Dear Marilyn:
I just finished my freshman year at college, and I dated two women who were turned off by my intact penis. One refused to have sex with me. I’m happy I’m intact, but I want to stop surprising and being rejected women. Do you have any advice for me?
—Bob in Boston
Dear Bob:
I am sorry that you have encountered women who do not know how wonderful it is to have sex with an intact man. Most American women are ignorant when it comes to the normal penis. Simple education is a good way to overcome their hesitancy.
Start talking about your normal penis when you think the relationship is likely to become sexual. Tell her: “I have a normal penis, the one I was born with, just like Leonardo DiCaprio and Russell Crowe. And Elvis Presley was intact, too.”
Acknowledge that she might be hesitant to sleep with an intact man because so many lies have been told about foreskins. If she seems interested in knowing more, tell her that circumcision grew popular in this country as way to stop little boys from masturbating. Explain that the foreskin is highly innervated and makes sex more pleasurable for men, and that the gliding action of the foreskin makes sex more gentle for women. You can also add that foreskin gives you more control over your orgasm. 😊
One more thing. Women worry they don’t know how to handle an intact penis during foreplay and oral sex. So help them out. Tell them or show them what you like. In the end, good sex is rooted in good communication, whether you are intact or cut.
—Marilyn
Hi Bob, I am sorry you have encountered this. I am a gay intact male and despite the stigma around being intact in gay culture, I was fortunate enough not to encounter this as you have. I think it is one of the reasons I was never the receiver in a sexual encounter as every guy I had encountered (except for 2) was cut and found it to be painful. I do admit, that when I would first start talking to a guy, I would inform him that my parents left me intact. Several times I had to clarify what intact meant, it is scary how normalized in the US the term circumcised and uncircumcised is. Towards the end of hooking up and encountering guys for relationships, I stopped mentioning that I was intact, it was their thing not mine if it was an issue. Being in a relationship with the same guy now for many years, I educate on the importance and functions of the foreskin and provide websites such as this one and others on why it is better to remain intact. Trust me, when you find a girl that has sex with you being intact and the other guys so far in life she has slept with is cut, she will realize what she has been missing! I hope the remainder of your college experience is better. Trust me, this is not everyone, and one of the many reasons as Marilyn mentioned for educating people on intact men. -Adam